phetish | Moon Pie Space Man

Mel Hynes completed the 100 Foods To Eat Before You Die quiz, and commented that she was surprised to see “moon pies” on the list, as surely, everyone has eaten them.

I haven’t. They simply weren’t available in local stores. Investigation revealed that they are largely a southern delicacy.

The list seems to focus upon staples of regional diets and stereotypical foods of people with and without financial means, making it hard for any one person to score high. I almost felt like I was cheating, really, by adding foods I’d only eaten once (like octopus – which I ordered in a Cuban restaurant largely to freak out my coworkers) or eaten recently (like Pocky – after a night of anime, when it was discovered that I had never eaten Pocky, we were sent on our own quest). But, even with those items, I only scored a 35.

Thanks to Ian, I discovered a fantastic book – a moon pie take on Where The Wild Things Are:

We must find our own moon pies, someday.

I fear I’ll never be a foodie. My inner foodie is a five-year-old child. I was surfing WhatTheFuckShouldIMakeForDinner.com (upon recommendation of Jamie Stone), and my inner foodie recoiled in horror at the first suggestion – “creamed oysters and ham.”

Ugh. Ten years have passed, and Poppy Z. Brite’s homoerotic cannibal experience entitled “Exquisite Corpse” still hasn’t left me. “He swallowed his testicle like a raw oyster.” Ugh.

But as I said, a five-year-old child. I can’t help wondering why somebody would mess up perfectly good food with weird deviations. What’s wrong with spaghetti and meatballs? Why do you have to put clams in it? What’s wrong with sandwiches and cookies for lunch?

Heh. I will never cover everything on that list. If it weren’t for spite, I think I would have had to have stopped at “Hostess Fruit Pies.”

Originally published at The Pandemonium Project. You can comment here or there.