The Next Movie Night

Grindhouse ain't got nothing on Japanese schoolgirls with machine-gun arms.

The trailer:

(thank you, Friar)

Go Starbucks

I really never thought I'd be saying that, but when petitioned by anti-gun advocates, Starbucks replied, "The Starbucks coffee chain announced today that it will continue letting customers openly wear unloaded handguns in its coffee shops."

I love their hilariously apathetic response, too (indicated in the rest of the article). "We don't care. Fight amongst yourselves, as long as coffee sales aren't impacted. Go take your principles to someone with a soul."

Not that it's all on corporations. There are over 600 privately-owned diners in New Jersey, and none of them stood against the smoking ban (which crippled their businesses). Same goes for bars and pool halls. Shame on you, New Jersey.

I would say "Shame on New York City" too, but after Giuliani castrated the most beautiful city in the world while its 8.5 million citizens stood by and watched, chastising them now would be as pointless as kicking a eunuch in the groin.

I swear, ever since Johnny Carson took Hollywood from the East Coast, it's like we've been willfully deconstructing ourselves into the irrelevant followers of California. I'm waiting to see floppy-haired newscasters citing breaking stories with "Woah."

Um...

Being a part-time storm deity (flooded out of 3 houses in two years and, when I moved four times in the last six months, it poured the entire move all four times), I'm partial to floodwaters, so the following video caught my eye.

It's called "Train vs. Flood."

I can't help but wonder why nobody notices the half-dozen people under the bridge who are the real punchline to this video.

This post was brought to you as a reminder that Lives Suck More Than Yours.

They Make Alcoholic Whipped Cream

Dear God,

Thank you for inventing alcoholic whipped cream for my birthday. I forgive you for the time you dressed up as a tree and pissed sap all over my car.