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[personal profile] phetish
It has been eight years and six days since I became a dominatrix.
I want to buy myself a present, but I have built an entire dungeon.
What do you get the self that has everything?
I suppose I could use a new whip. You can never have too many whips or shoes.

Walgreens just had a sale on the original Hitachi wands, the #1 woman's toy since the 1970's.
I am in for two.
All I can think about are those pin-jugglers.
Forgive me the lack of bowling pins. This guy looks much cooler than the creepy old grease-painted clown I had seen in my mind.

You thought I owned a Hitachi?
I love saying it. It's like the Masamune. The Hanzo Sword. The Hitachi Magic Wand.
I had purchased a similar nameless knock-off (from Radio Shack) when I was too young to know about quality, and that has sufficed. I haven't met anyone who would recognize the Hitachi for what it is. I am, albeit, a little embarrassed of my youthful ignorance.

But my poor little toy (and it is, distinctly, a non-magical toy) is beginning to wear down, probably due to the countless abuses of friends cranking it against their genitals like a mortar and pestle. Savages.
I choose to blame it on my girlfriends and refuse to fathom the possibility that some errant man has ground it against his ass like he was performing a sonogram from the vantage point of his butthole. Dear God, why did you give men their g-spot in their ass? Why?

You always hear the man's side. How unfortunate it is, that he has to play with his ass.
You never hear it from the woman's side. Imagine if your partner "borrowed" your favorite toy...
...and stuck it in their butt. Like a mule.
I mean, that is an unfathomable reality to most men. They have no need to actively fear thieves "borrowing" a treasured object, thrusting it up their butt, and then returning it - "clean."
That is what it is to be a woman. To live with a disobedient man.

So, I bought two. One for myself and one stick to throw in the yard for the dogs.
Is that enough?
If you could reward yourself, what would you give?
Time? Energy? An organized home? A completed list of tasks? A series of soul-searing orgasms?
I think we all want the same thing.
A deeper, truer sense of self.
The gift to yourself is whatever puts you in touch with yourself.

For me, it is something as superficial and sensual as sex and beauty.
It reminds that this meat machine of mine needs attention and maintenance.
It reminds me not to eat junk food or skip on sleep. It reminds me not to put myself last.
To go that extra mile, even when I am tired and do not feel like shaving my legs.
Like moisturizing my body. Like doing something about my nethers so that it does not look like I am smuggling kittens in my panties. Like doing something with this goddamn medusa hair.

The world and its people can be beautiful, or they can be unkind.
It is easier to weather the unkind when you are confident because you did the work.
Do whatever it is that makes you feel awesome.
If it is a thing or an act. Give it to yourself. For me?
That's what I want for my birthday.
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